Sense of Fear

Early Wednesday morning my housemate (and - of course - a dear friend) had a series of seizures. I had just come home from coffee and was in the kitchen. She was having an upsetting conversation on the phone (and also not feeling too well to begin with), when suddenly she fell over and began shaking. I initially thought it was just an anxiety attack and sat down next to her, trying to provide some comfort. I had my arm around her shoulder and she began talking about the phone call when another one came on, more serious than the first. I freaked out. I grabbed the phone and tried to see if she was okay, and a third one hit - this time lasting over a minute. She was on her back and her arms and legs were flailing and she was flopping like a fish (I know, a bad cliche, but it's true) and then she vomited onto the carpet (I had just watched 28 Days Later and there was something eerily familiar with her projectile vomiting). At that point it was clear I had to call 911. I tried to on her phone but for a second the line wouldn't ring. You'd like to think that during a crisis you'd be able to keep things together, but for a moment, with time of the essence, it appeared like I was cracking up. Finally I got through. The fire department, which happens to be right around the corner, showed up within five minutes. By that time she was conscious but unaware of what happened. It must have been quite surreal for her with all these men in her room, one of whom was placing a mask over her face, while Daphney, the cat, just watched calmly from her bed. A few minutes later an ambulance arrived, and we spent most of the day at the UCSF emergency room. Everyone we encountered during this ordeal was great: the paramedics, the doctors, the nurses: I could not have been more impressed with their professionalism and poise. Early in the evening she was released, and thankfully she's feeling better, although she's still a little shaky. It looks like she was put on some medication by her Doctor and then was taken off of it too quickly, and her body went through withdrawal. Needless to say this was quite scary for all of us, and once again, I became acutely aware of how precious life is, how in a split second something tragic can happen. I don't like sounding all syrupy or over-sentimental, but as I move forward, especially after myself being sick for 9 months, and after reading about the troubling events in the Middle East (which Israel has every right to defend itself) I'm trying to embrace every second of the day, and trying to maximize the relationships with people who are dear to me.

I'm not sure how this relates but I like this quote from White Noise, and wanted to include it here:

"What we are reluctant to touch often seems the very fabric of our existence."

Because Wednesday I was too distracted mentally to get any work done, yesterday I put in a full day finishing scripts for one freelance job and laying the groundwork for another one I just picked up. At a certain point though, my brain was fried, and it was important that I make my way out to the beach, just to get some exercise and free my mind of the stress of everything. The photo above is what I see daily, and for that, I'm quite fortunate.

This weekend is going to be pretty mellow. I have a lot of work to do, and I'd like to finish reading White Noise - which keeps getting more amazing, and I just purchased The Return, one of my favorite films of all time, so I'll probably grab some Chinese food and watch that tonight. Tomorrow I'm spending most of the day at the Cafe down the street, doing some writing. Sunday I'm going to see a movie with my other housemate, who has a side job reviewing films, so hopefully he can secure some free passes since money is kind of tight. On top of that, I just tracked down my long lost friend Kristen, who I went to UCSB with (and who I almost got a place with in SF back in 98'), and I'm looking forward to catching up with her and hearing about her job teaching history at a high school in Richmond (which must be interesting, to say the least).

Best regards.