Still Underwater

I read this beautiful story on the train last night to Oakland. Packed tight with the commuter rush, and delayed because of a medical emergency in West Oakland that prevented all East Bay-bound trains from leaving the station, I just sat down on the floor and busted out Amy Hempel's "Tonight is a Favor to Holly". Now let me pull back for a minute to explain that, in addition to all my other neurosises, claustrophobia is a real issue for me, especially on BART, because when it's packed like this, there's literally no place to move, and people are leaning on you, and if they have bags they inadvertently smack into your shoulder, and if they've had garlic at lunch you can smell in it in the air - particularly when you can feel that same breath crashing down on your neck, and you turn around and it's some suited chap with a mustache that would make Tom Selleck proud, and you just look at him like, hey man, if you blow on my neck one more time I'm going to snap your vertebrae, that is when there's enough space to move.

Anyway, I was close to a freak out on the train, which was stalled, and I couldn't get off because there was no room to navigate the aisles, and suddenly, as my face was cherry red with disgust, I just felt this sense of calm around me, this order within the chaos, and I just decided, in that moment, to sit down on the floor. By doing this I created the necessary room to get into my bag and grab my book, and man, this story was just so lovely, and poignant, especially the following line:

"What you forget, living here, is that just because you have stopped sinking doesn't mean you're not still underwater."

which fit the scene on the BART, and the sense of going through the motions at my job, and my latest projects, and the women I spend time with, and it's hard not to get excited when you read something so profound, and relevant, to your whole existence.

Anyway, I hope you guys all have a nice weekend. I'm gearing up for a photo shoot Tuesday night, hammering out this disturbing new short story in my head, reading a friend's novel in hopes of giving some helpful feedback, and watching the sixth season of The Sopranos now that it's out on DVD.

If you're bored at some point, or holed up in your apartment because of the weather, here are a few interesting videos:

Aphex Twin _ Nannou (the perfect soundtrack)

Aphex Twin - Come to Daddy

Boards of Canada - Dayvan Cowboy Music Video

Explosions in the Sky (Texas Indie band)