Karma

There's this homeless guy I see every couple of days. For some reason he's drawn to me (perhaps it's just because I take the time to listen) and is always giving me reports on how he's doing, how close he is to getting a job, what motel he's trying to get into, whatever is going on in his life. A few weeks before Christmas, on a particularly wet day, I saw him just sitting out in the rain in front of Starbucks, catching cold, and my heart broke. He said he needed $5 to get into a motel for the night. I gave it to him. He insisted on paying me back but I knew that wouldn't happen, and I didn't care. Two days later I met the most gorgeous blonde, a girl who was really cool and fun, and my mind instantly went to the $5 gift, thinking I had been repaid for the generosity. A few weeks later, right before New Year's, I again gave him a couple of bucks, so he could get a haircut because he claimed to have a job interview. Each time he hugged me afterwards, which was touching on one level - he really appreciated it - but also maddening, because I instantly felt the need to go wash up. I saw all the germs floating in the air and got neurotic. A few nights later I met another cute girl, and again, thought it was some kind of karmic payback.

In my own mind, it seemed like I had the secret to success. The perfect formula. Give this guy money, meet hot women. It all seemed so simple.

Last week I had pink eye. When he saw me on Friday afternoon he was all concerned, wondering where I had been. I told him what happened. Instantly he tried to give me a couple pills he had in his pocket. I was flattered and amused, but also not interested. He then whispered to me, "Was it some pussy that got you sick?"

For obvious reasons I was offended, taken back, embarrased. We just weren't on that kind of level, and I had no interest in bonding with him other than to not be that cynical guy who refuses to look this population in the face. I assured him that no, that wasn't the problem, that I had a cold, but he kept smiling at me suspiciously.

Yesterday, at lunch, I walked out of the office and there he was, with a change cup. He was excited to see me. I said hi to him and kept going. He asked for some change, but I didn't have any on me, and I can't keep doing this - it's not like I'm rolling in cash myself. At the same time, two attractive blondes walked by. I was in stride with them, admiring their beauty. One smiled politely. Then, from down the street, my friend yells, "I hope that pink eye clears up soon, buddy! You better leave the ladies alone for awhile." When I turned he was putting his finger through a circle in his other hand, in-out in-out, the universal sign for sexual intercourse, and he had this crazy smile on his face.

The two women quickly looked at each other with disgust. My face went red. I felt warm around the temple. My eyes caught a ray of sun and began to tear. I decided to look down.

I also slowed up, giving them the chance to get ahead of me. At the same time they picked up their pace, walking significantly faster. At the cross-walk, they turned, and just like that, they were gone.

Clearly my luck has run its course.